5 Steps To recover from Your habit To reward

constantly looking for reward is like seeking to keep away from criticism. long term it does not work. here’s stop being a reward junkie.

August 5, 2015 

Are you a praise junkie?

reward feels just right. it can be motivating, and smart leaders use it strategically to inspire individuals to good things.

but there’s a draw back to repeatedly in quest of out praise. It’s like going thru life seeking to keep away from criticism. “you end up sticking with only what other people like. you can’t ever evolve,” says Jessica Lahey, author of the guide The gift of Failure. no longer best will you fail to innovate, that you would be able to be simply manipulated via individuals who keep in mind that praise will get you to do what they need. right here’s easy methods to overcome the habit.

Step 1: Set your individual targets

in case you’re hooked on reward, “the focus on the top product can in truth detract from the work,” says Lahey. “which you could’t undergo existence in a defensive position.” So determine what you’d like to accomplish. What would you love to claim to your yr-finish efficiency assessment? What’s for your five-12 months plan?

ruin these giant goals down into manageable steps, and create mini-closing dates for achieving these milestones. specializing in growth is each more enjoyable and more goal. You both did it otherwise you didn’t; praise and criticism are beside the point.

Step 2: searching for out the suitable people

whereas it’s fun to talk to individuals who think the whole thing you do is excellent, this comments has restricted use. that is the purpose of feedback: “i need somebody to information me from this milestone to the subsequent milestone,” says Theo Tsaousides, author of the new e-book Brainblocks: Overcoming the 7 Hidden barriers to Success. when you’re honing your elevator pitch for buyers, you want comments from people who hear plenty of such pitches and know what works. when you’re writing a e-book thought, you want comments from retailers and editors.

Step three: Ask the suitable questions

Asking how you probably did, or what somebody thinks, invitations informal but empty reward (“you probably did positive.” “I’m sure it’s great.”) instead, “Actively ask, ‘What can i do better? What would possibly I work on subsequent time?’” suggests Lahey. Describe what you probably did in a certain scenario and ask what the other particular person may have achieved. “focus on the language of course of,” as a result of “talking about course of as a substitute of the tip product can nudge the dialog in the fitting route.”

Step four: Take feedback for what it is

the best way to get more honest feedback is to thank individuals profusely for offering it (sure, you’re praising to get what you need—see how that works?). “include it as finding out. embrace it for what it is,” says Lahey. bring that you are open to it, while figuring out that you always grasp the trump card. “It’s somebody else’s opinion,” says Tsaousides. “It doesn’t mean it’s important to alternate it. It doesn’t imply it’s a must to devalue what you’ve finished thus far.” certainly, “the purpose for wanting the remarks is to put it into your work, not put it into your price.”

Step 5: praise your self

“if you attain your milestone, give yourself reward,” says Tsaousides. in spite of everything, reward does really feel good, and if you happen to fulfill this want yourself, you don’t want to are seeking it out from others with their own agendas. Go in advance and provides yourself a gold celebrity. You deserve it.

[photo: Everett assortment via Shutterstock]

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