The internet offers hedge fund managers some hilarious advice, familiar to millennials
It takes a certain amount of financial acumen to understand exactly what happened earlier this eventful week on Wall Street. The simplest explanation, however, is that a bunch of Redditors reenacted the climax of Trading Places, using stock for the still-chugging-along Donkey Kong retailer, GameStop.
The cleverly coordinated market manipulation has moved even some unlikely voices to rejoice around the so-called little people sticking it to Master of the Universe-types by exploiting their own exploitative loopholes and practices.
Now, as the newly chastened hedge fund managers at Melvin Capital nurse fiscal wounds from this industry-disrupting broadside, perhaps they could use some advice from people who didn’t recently go bust on a bad investment.
Considering that millennials came of age during a rolling series of financial crises, they’ve had some amazing opportunities to absorb the business wisdom of their economic betters. As such, many millennials on Twitter, along with some supportive elder pals, have only been too happy to return the favor, offering the same sort of helpful advice they were given while watching the bank bailouts of 2009, say, or the large business PPP loans of 2020.
Some suggested practicing an oft-preached footwear-related exercise:
If I was a Hedge Fund I would simply pull myself by my bootstraps https://t.co/eHCdHBS0bw
— Joe Kassabian (@jkass99) January 27, 2021
Do hedge fund managers not have bootstraps?
— Robert Reich (@RBReich) January 28, 2021
The hedge fund failed because it bought Starbucks sometimes
— ????????Erica, the white trash socialist????????™? (@herosnvrdie69) January 27, 2021
Those hedge fund guys should’ve bought less Starbucks and put the money into a savings bond. https://t.co/k2kBqGsrsX
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) January 28, 2021
Well maybe if those hedge fund managers stopped eating so much avocado toast and drinking Starbucks everyday they wouldn’t be in this predicament ???? https://t.co/DpjXuMkDEm
— Neo (@NeoGameSpark) January 28, 2021
Melvin Capital is facing bankruptcy and yet its CEO owns an iPhone. Curious!
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) January 28, 2021
Several suggested that an exciting change in educational direction might be the key to solvency.
Maybe the hedge fund can learn to code
— Otto Von Biz Markie (@Passionweiss) January 27, 2021
college isn’t for everyone. maybe they could learn a trade. https://t.co/ELqqsTAMfS
— beth (@bethbourdon) January 27, 2021
Maybe those hedge fund guys should’ve majored in something useful like psychology or education instead
— I don’t know shit about shit ? (@crusteater) January 27, 2021
Some were brimming with so much helpful advice, they doled it out in helpful omnibuses.
hedge fund managers should:
– move back in with their parents
– spend less on avocado toast
– have 6 months of savings
– learn to code https://t.co/pkLETYrnlu
— leaky robot ???? (@datalore66) January 27, 2021
Where’s your entrepreneurial spirit, hedge fund managers? If you can’t pay your bills, start a small business, get a second job, drive for Uber. My high school friend on Facebook can hook you up with her MLM. I want to see some initiative here.
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) January 28, 2021
Some advice for unemployed hedge fund managers:
– move to find a better job
– learn to code
– take a financial literacy course
In sum: remember to pull yourself up by your bootstraps; always bootstraps.
— Ameya Pawar (@Ameya_Pawar_IL) January 28, 2021
Mostly, though, people offered crucial pro tips about setting aside a healthy reserve of savings and taking more financial responsibility overall.
Those hedge fund guys really should’ve saved better, ya know? Maybe try not living outside of their means? I hope that Congress can pass legislation in about 9 months to send them $600 #GameStop
— Cole Scoggins (@Cole_B_Scoggins) January 28, 2021
Have the hedge fund managers considered dipping into their savings or taking out a loan to cover their expenses until they get back on their feet?
— Salem Snow (@Salem4Congress) January 28, 2021
If I were a hedge fund manager, I would simply have six months worth of savings at the ready. https://t.co/0Is3SbO02V
— Genie Lauren (@MoreAndAgain) January 27, 2021
The lesson for melvin capital is stop spending so much on video games and learn some financial responsibility.
— Gallifreyan Jedi (@JediofGallifrey) January 27, 2021
And if all else fails, according to at least one Twitterer, perhaps the government will come to the rescue.
don’t feel too bad for the hedge fund managers. if they can’t land on their feet, they have a $1400(ish) stimulus check coming in a few months ??
worse comes to worst, they could always get a job that will pay $15/hr by 2025!
— kim possible facts (@kimpossiblefact) January 27, 2021